Link to the original Forbes article
Thomas Aronica is the founder and CEO of Biller Genie, a solution that automates accounts receivable to get businesses paid faster.
Of all the truths I have unveiled throughout my career, this is one of my most valuable. The imminent failure of unrealistic expectations is a lesson that became known to me even before I started my first company. And I, of course, chose to learn it the hard way.
The Expectation Around Expectations
The reality of the situation is that there is no facet of our lives in which we do not have to be conscious of this potential pitfall. The tendency and capacity to form expectations around anything and everything (even expectations themselves) is just a default psychological pattern that comes with being human. There’s no getting around it. It’s inevitable! And most of the time, it’s subconscious. We don’t even know we’re doing it.
This is where it can really create a cognitive disconnect and come back to haunt us because the very plain and simple truth is this: You cannot hold anyone accountable for expectations they did not agree to meet. If a good majority of these are subconscious experiences, then it’s safe to assume that the other party is not only unattached but completely unaware a good majority of the time.
If I deliver on an expectation you set for me and don’t ask for feedback, it’s unrealistic for me to hold you accountable for it and get disappointed when I don’t receive it. But what if I didn’t know I desired feedback until I felt the sting of disappointment when you didn’t give it to me? This is an example of subconscious expectations that settle in without even triggering our awareness around them. And these are the ones we have to be most mindful of.
Common Catastrophes: The Perfectionist
Now, when it comes to managing ourselves, one of the most common unrealistic expectations is perfectionism. As humans, we are fallible individuals, and this is actually a good thing. It’s how we learn. Trial and error are what create the experience of growth and evolution. We learn from our mistakes, and as we move forward, we tend to make better decisions when faced with the same circumstance. So, accept the inevitability of your own fallibility and welcome the opportunity to learn and grow.
Common Catastrophes: The Idealist
When it comes to managing others, it’s imperative to acknowledge that human egos are fragile. There’s no getting around this, either. When asked to accomplish something by someone you’re invested in (on any level—personally or professionally), reality often takes a backseat in favor of the idealistic outcome of saving the day and being the hero. So, “yes” is always the answer, whether or not the expectations are clear.
An effective leader will always ask qualifying questions and give a clear picture of how they see the outcome unfolding. Anything less than full transparency regarding your desires will result in unrealistic expectations.
Example A: “This product needs to be launched by the end of Q2 with a dynamic go-to-market strategy and a viable ROI for our customers.”
Example B: “I would like to launch by Q2, so we have the remainder of the year to accumulate data. And for this product, I would like the go-to-market strategy to be fresh and engaging—not what we typically do. The ROI needs to be justifiable to our customers with qualifiable metrics that I would like to highlight in the core messaging.”
See the difference? Example B establishes clear expectations, while example A assumes them. The three core deliverables for both of these executives are:
• Data and analytics.
• A fresh GTM strategy.
• Updated messaging that includes ROI.
Holding the manager in example A accountable for any of this would be unrealistic given the lack of transparency. Just remember: If you haven’t communicated it effectively, you cannot form expectations around it realistically.
Common Catastrophe: The Pacifist
Now, what about managing yourself when dealing with others? The pacifist is a term given to those individuals who fall into the people-pleasing category and will often fail to respond truthfully regarding expectations from just about anyone.
We see this in relationships of all kinds—both professional and personal. They cannot successfully communicate their discomfort around expectations because they are fearful of the displeasing outcome this assumes. However, they oftentimes have no problem going to someone else to express the unrealistic nature of these expectations, get validation from them and then feel justified when they go unmet. This, again, is unrealistic management of someone else’s expectations.
Reality Check
Research validates that unrealistic expectations are among the leading causes of stress in the workplace. The antidote to this is self-awareness. Be aware of your expectations around yourself and others. Are they realistic? Are they manageable and measurable? Take the time to ensure you have communicated your desires effectively. Make sure others know what you’re holding them accountable for, and don’t just assume their agreement. Ask for it. The more intentional you make their participation, the more invested they will be.